Klepto Cat
by Worthfull1
Summary: Sirius' cat is the menace of the neighborhood. Remus comes to collect his things. Non-magic AU. No longer a one-shot. Rated M simply because I rate all my stuff M.
1. Raiders of the Lost Underpants

**Author's Note:** My first attempt at Wolfstar! And all because of a tumblr post :) Also my first non-magic AU. Enjoy!

Thanks, Worthfull1

P.S. I own nothing, anything recognizable belongs to the lovely Ms. Rowling.

* * *

 **Klepto-Cat**

 **Chapter 1: Raiders Of The Lost Underpants  
**

It was the last pack. It was the _last pack_. And they were white. He hated white. White was the colour of nothing, a blank space, a void. It was the colour of the Oxford shirt he had to wear at the job he hated in the restaurant where he took orders for ridiculously expensive food from people with much more money than sense. Food that was made by a guy his same age with a phony French accent and a questionable diploma in culinary arts who literally thought his shit did not stink.

Remus scowled at the package. This was the third time this month he'd had to go out and buy new underwear. Cursing the powers that be, he snatched it off the shelf. Yes, he hated white, but he hated going commando even more. No matter how soft he bought his trousers, chafing was unavoidable, and he did not want to think about the comments that would come out of _Chez Louis_ if the pretentious food snob caught him walking funny.

He paid for his purchases and left the store and that's when he saw it. A flyer taped to the store's front window with a picture of an orange cat. At first, Remus thought it was a lost pet poster and he took a mental picture of the animal just in case he noticed it wandering around his house. But something else caught his eye. As he looked closer to get a good visual on the cat's markings, he read the note.

The cat was not what was missing. The cat was _responsible_ for what was missing.

 _If you are missing any items of clothing of a personal nature, please get in touch. My cat is a notorious knicker thief and I have nearly a box of - mostly men's - socks and underwear. You'll be pleased to know that I am in the process of moving, so this little blighter shouldn't be causing any more grief. However, I would like to return any items I can to their rightful owners. Please call me and let me know when you can come over. I'm home all day today. Thank you._

Under the note was a name and number and Remus almost dropped his bags in his haste to retrieve his mobile. He dialed swiftly and heard one ring before a slightly rough, highly educated male voice answered.

"Hello?"

"Hello, is this the owner of George the cat?" Remus asked.

"Yes, it is! Are you one of his victims?"

"I think I may be, yes. Your flyer says you're home today. Could I come by?"

"Absolutely! Here, let me give you the address - "

The man gave Remus the information and told him to come by whenever he wanted. By a strange coincidence, the address was right across the alley from Remus' backyard, so he decided to go there first before heading home. If all went well, perhaps he could get some of his things back and throw them in the wash along with the new ones. Or, if things went _really_ well, perhaps he would find _all_ of his underwear and could take the white abominations back and return them. The very thought made him smile as, minutes later, he pulled into the driveway of a cozy-looking bungalow. Looking at the number on the house, he confirmed he was in the right place.

 _904 Potter Way..._

There were boxes on the front porch and the front door was open as Remus walked up. He knocked on the door frame and called out, getting a yell from the back of the house. A moment later, a young man of medium build wearing black jeans and a red t-shirt with a lion on the front came bouncing up to him. His raven hair was piled on top of his head in a bun and secured with a pen and his grey eyes were deep enough to drown in. Remus' mouth began to water.

"Hi! Remus, right?" the man said, holding out a hand for Remus to shake. "Sirius Black, pleasure."

Remus took the offered hand and cleared his throat. "Pleasure's all mine," he replied, a bit more breathless than he'd intended.

"Come in, come in!" Sirius said, leading Remus into the living room, where more boxes were piled up and the furniture was collected. "Would you like to meet the scoundrel?" he asked, nodding to the sofa where a lanky, ginger cat was perched on the back.

"Hello, George," Remus greeted the animal. George ignored him entirely, licking his paw with an expression of boredom.

Sirius tutted. "Ignore him. Bloody princess," he said, shaking his head.

"Interesting name for a cat," Remus said. "'George' is a person name, not a pet name, surely?"

"Ah, well," Sirius chuckled. "He had a twin brother named Fred. I named them after a couple of blokes I used to know whose initials were 'F' and 'G'. They died in a car crash just before I got the kittens and... well... you know, I'm a bit sentimental. So... yeah, Fred and George. Lost Fred last year, so this guy's the last one. And that's the only reason I keep you," he said to the cat, who ignored him as well. "Bloody nuisance. Anyway," he turned back to Remus, "the box of nicked knickers is over there. Go through them and see if there's any of yours, yeah?"

"Thanks, yeah." Remus headed over to a small box sitting on top of a nightstand with a neon green sock sticking out. _Well, that's not mine,_ he thought. A fair portion of the box was, though, and Remus wished he'd brought a bag with him. Those were his purple striped boxers, several pairs of plaid boxers, one of his pale pink socks and four different argyle print socks from four different pairs. There were others as well and he was just pulling out his favourite pair of boxers when he heard a crash and a cry of pain.

A moment later, Sirius came rushing out to the kitchen, holding his forearm. He turned the water on full blast and thrust his arm under the tap.

"Sirius? Are you okay?" Remus asked, feeling a little stupid. Obviously, the man was not okay, but as he was a stranger, Remus didn't want to be too forward.

Sirius squeezed his eyes shut and threw his head back. He was pale and shaking. "I... I can't do blood... can't stand it... ," he stammered, his voice as shaky as the rest of him. "Could you... um... there's band-aids and things in... in the bathroom... c-could you... ?"

"Yeah, mate, of course," he said, dropping the boxers and rushing in the direction Sirius nodded. Barely noticing the smashed antique mirror on the floor, he sped to the medicine cabinet in the bathroom and pulled out the necessary. By the time he got back to the kitchen, Sirius looked about ready to faint.

"I'm really... really sorry about this," Sirius said quietly, still not looking down at his bleeding forearm.

"Don't worry about it," Remus dismissed, wrapping his fingers around Sirius' wrist and adjusting the angle so the water would wash away all the blood. "It's not that bad, you know," he said, inspecting the wound. "Just one of those areas that bleeds a lot. Looks worse than it is. You didn't even hit a vein."

"Fascinating," Sirius replied in a tone that said he found it anything but. "Are you... a doctor or something, then?" he asked between deep breaths.

Remus nearly laughed. "Hardly," he said. "I'm a waiter. I work at this really posh place and when they hired me, I had to take a first-aid course as part of my training. A kitchen can be a dangerous place. You get burns, cuts, scaldings... " he went on as he dried Sirius' cut and reached for a large bandage.

"What restaurant?" Sirius asked, the conversation keeping his mind off his blood loss.

"Orion's. Do you know it? Over on Grimmauld?"

Sirius went still. "Yeah, I know it," he said. "My parent's own it."

 _Shit._ "Oh, well... erm... it's not a bad place to work... "

"Yes, it is," Sirius countered. "They used to make me bus tables during school breaks. I hated it almost as much as I hate them." He looked at Remus. "I'm the son they try to deny exists."

"Oh... erm... " Remus was decidedly uncomfortable now, but he finished Sirius' bandage anyway. He could feel the other man's eyes on him, though.

Sirius couldn't help staring. Remus was quite adorable with red-tinged ears and a flushed neck. The sandy-blond curls that hung in front of his forehead made Sirius wonder how cute he'd be waking up in the morning. And Remus was tall. Sirius had always been a sucker for blokes taller than him and Remus had a good four inches on him.

"You should probably eat something," Remus said, letting go of Sirius and gathering the bloody paper towels and the band-aid wrapper.

Sirius nodded. He did feel shaky still. "I, um... I haven't packed away the kettle yet. Fancy a cuppa?"

"Um... yeah, sure," Remus agreed, rubbing the back of his neck. "I'll just... uh... finish going through that box."

"Okay."

Sirius busied himself at the stove and pulled out a box of biscuits while sneaking peeks at Remus. The man was hunched over the knicker box, rifling through it, and Sirius could tell whenever he found something of his because Remus would make a _'tut'_ noise and cock his head towards the sofa where George was busy licking himself. The kettle whistled, causing Remus to drop the boxers he was holding and Sirius' eyes went wide when he saw which ones they were. Dark blue with crescent moons on them, he'd laughed when George had brought them home.

Pouring them both cups, Sirius cleared off tow bar stools and beckoned Remus over. "So, the moons belong to you?" he asked teasingly, laughing when Remus' flush returned.

"Yeah. It's an old joke with my friends. I got really drunk one night and... apparently I mooned several people," he said.

"That's brilliant!" Sirius said. "I can't imagine you mooning people!"

"I don't even remember it, but clearly there were witnesses, so... " he smiled ruefully as Sirius laughed. "Yeah, that's the reason I don't get drunk anymore." Remus shook his head. "The stupid things you do in college, right?"

The conversation continued as they drank. Sirius told him about his Uncle Alphard who was elderly and had started to need constant care. That was the reason he was giving up the house, he said. Uncle Alphard had been the only person who supported his decision to leave his parents and had even put him up for a while as he searched for a place of his own. Now was his chance to pay off some of the debt he felt he owed.

Alphard didn't even live that far away - just across town, but Sirius felt he needed to be there at all times, just in case. There had been a couple of instances where he'd gotten a call in the middle of the night from his Uncle's live-in housekeeper and Sirius wanted to be there.

Remus, in turn, told him about not finishing school. He'd gotten sick the last year of university and had had to skip all the last exams. The school had told him he could make up the grades by doing another year, but by that time he'd had no more money. He'd made the tough decision to quit and focus on work rather than a degree in theater management. Waiting tables sucked, he said, but it was decent money if you got good shifts. Remus had also been talking to some local theaters to see if he could come on as an assistant.

It was late afternoon by the time Remus checked his watch.

"Shit!" he swore. "I'm sorry, Sirius, I've got to go. My shift starts in a couple hours and I've still got to do laundry."

"That's fine, Remus! Don't worry about it," Sirius said. "Thanks for patching me up." He smiled.

Remus smiled back. "No problem," he said, grabbing his bag of underwear.

"Hey, Remus?" Sirius called, just as Remus stepped onto the porch. "I was thinking... I'll probably need to change this bandage tonight, yeah?"

"Be a good idea, yeah."

"D'you think... maybe you could come by when you get off and do it for me?"

Remus blinked. He hadn't expected that. "Erm..."

"I've passed out before at the sight of blood and wounds and I don't want to pass out when I'm alone, you know?" Sirius added, trying to play the sympathy card.

Remus hesitated. "It'll be late. I'm not usually done before 1 or 2 in the morning."

"That's okay," Sirius said immediately. "I'm a night owl. I'll be up."

A slow, shy smile spread across Remus' face. "Okay," he said. "See you later, then."

Sirius' face lit up. "See you later." He watched Remus drive away and then turned to George. "Thanks, mate."

* * *

 **Author's Note:** Thanks for reading!

Thanks, Worthfull1


	2. Smile

**Author's Note:** I was not going to expand this, but the muse and the plunnies have rallied against me, so here it is. It's a conspiracy, I'm sure. There will be NO schedule for this fic. I have no idea where it's going, what's going to happen or even who will make an appearance, I just know that one chapter simply will not do. This is my 'bit of stuff on the side' fic.

Also, mucho mucho love to **SableUnstable** , who celebrated her birthday recently! Happy birthday, my dear!

P.S. I own nothing, anything recognizable belongs to the lovely Ms. Rowling.

* * *

 **Chapter 2: Smile  
**

The streets were dark and mostly deserted by the time Remus pulled his car into Sirius' driveway. The clock on the dash said 2:32 AM. Remus scowled. Normally, it was the new servers' job to do the end-of-shift cleaning and roll silverware for the next day, but somehow it had fallen to Remus that night. He suspected the Head Chef, Louis, had made that happen. Remus hated rolling silverware and Louis knew it. Wanker.

Running a hand through his hair, Remus walked up to the house and knocked on the front door, his previous irritation vanishing as he heard quick footsteps from inside the house. The door opened and he smiled shyly at the man in the doorway.

"Hi," Sirius greeted with a smile of his own. He'd taken his hair down and Remus was sorely tempted to discover if it was a as silky as it looked.

"Hi, yourself. Did you get my text?" Remus asked, hoping he hadn't woken him.

Sirius nodded and moved aside to let Remus in. "Yeah. Er - have you eaten?"

"No, actually, I came straight - is that chicken tikka bhuna?" Remus' stomach growled on cue at the sight of the takeaway on the counter.

"Yeah," Sirius said, tucking a wayward lock of hair behind his ear. "I figured if you just got off work then maybe you hadn't had time to eat anything and I was a bit peckish and I figured… well, you can't go wrong with a curry, can you?" he finished with a shrug.

"Not with me," Remus replied. "It is _never_ the wrong time for a curry."

He smiled and Sirius smiled back.

* * *

Remus watched the handsome young man eat his takeaway with the same good manners as if he were dining off fine china and using expensive silver utensils. _Silver…_ Remus thought. _His eyes are silver…_

He cleared his throat. "What do you do?" Remus asked, reaching for the glass of white wine Sirius had produced.

"I work at a record store. _Tonks' Tunes_. It's downtown. My cousin's husband owns it. When I left my parents' and moved in with Uncle Alphard, he called my cousin and got me a job there. Andromeda - my cousin - never liked my parents much, either, so she had no problem… aiding my escape," Sirius said with a grin. "I've been there since I was sixteen and Ted - Andy's husband - made me manager two years ago."

"Sounds like fun," Remus smiled.

"It is," Sirius agreed. "I love it. I get to listen to anything I fancy all day long and I get a discount on whatever I want. I've got some really rare stuff. Maybe you'd want to help me unpack…?" he tried, cocking a playful eyebrow. "I'll pick up another curry and show you my vinyl collection?"

Remus grinned and ducked his head back to his food. "Yeah," he said. "Yeah, I'd like that." Then a thought occurred to him. "Is - ah… Your uncle - would he be okay with me coming over? Does he know… you know?"

"Does he know I'm gay?" Sirius finished bluntly. "Oh, yeah. He was the one who helped me figure it out! Er - not _that_ way, I mean," he back-tracked. "He was just… I dunno. A really good listener, I suppose. And he never judged me. Never really reacted at all, actually. Just listened and accepted. Told me to be careful and take care of myself." Sirius huffed a laugh. "Probably knew way before I did."

"He sounds like a really great person."

"He is." Sirius' voice was fond. "It's been hard seeing him decline. But that's what happens, I guess. He is in his seventies, after all."

Remus nodded. "So, when's the big day?" he changed the subject, gesturing to the boxes and furniture gathered in the living room.

"Oh, there isn't one, really. I just need to be out by the first. Still got nearly a week," Sirius said. "My best mate, James, is going to borrow his Dad's van on Thursday and help me with the bulk of it."

"Thursday? I could help, if you like. I'm off on Thursdays," Remus offered.

Sirius smiled and Remus smiled back.

* * *

"Oi! Padfoot! I think your bloke's here!"

A crash and a curse was heard as Sirius sped out of the back bedroom while trying to look as though Remus' arrival was something of limited importance.

James shook his head. "Honestly, mate," he said, a mixture of affection and exasperation colouring his tone.

"Piss off, Prongs," Sirius muttered. "Do I look alright?"

The other man shrugged. "Well, you don't quite do it for me, Pads, but - "

Sirius huffed and threw two fingers up as he waved Remus in. "Moony, hi! Doing alright?"

Moss-green eyes widened. " _Moony?_ " Remus repeated, not entirely sure he'd heard correctly.

"Don't mind him, he has to give everyone a nickname. It's a 'Sirius' thing. James Potter, by the way," James said, standing and holding a hand out to Remus.

"Remus Lupin. That your van out there, then?"

James nodded. "We've done one trip already and we're getting ready to make a second, but the third may have to wait until tomorrow…" he trailed off, eyeing the odds and ends that apparently wouldn't fit in the Transit.

"Rubbish," Remus said. "Just chuck it in mine. I've got room enough for this stuff."

"Cheers, mate."

They loaded up Remus' Panda, and he pulled out of the driveway, James pulling out next, and that's when he saw it.

A motorbike.

A _black_ motorbike.

With chrome accents gleaming in the sun.

Remus watched as, almost in slow motion, a leather jacket-clad Sirius Black walked up to the bike, swung a leg over and settled on the seat, knocking back the kick-stand and firing it up. His breath left him in a _whoosh_ as every nerve ending in his body began throbbing to the beat of the bike's engine.

He watched as Sirius carefully steered the bike out and paused to put on his helmet, locks of raven hair sticking out from under it, before setting off down the road, James following. Remus shook himself and thanked all available deities for the return of his underpants, today's being particularly roomy, and then put the gas to it before the big, blue Transit turned the corner and lost him.

 _As if the hair and the eyes and the tattoos weren't enough,_ he thought to himself, trying - and failing - to keep his mind from the lines of ink he'd caught peeking out from Sirius' unbuttoned shirt collar earlier.

 _Get a hold of yourself, Lupin,_ he berated mentally. _It's way too early for that shit. Haven't even been on a proper date yet._

Of course, there were ways of fixing that, and Remus had come up with several date ideas by the time the motorbike turned into a manicured driveway leading to a rather lovely, upper middle-class home.

The red brick structure spoke of money, but there was something genuine and comfortable about the place. There were no gaudy fountains in the front garden or strutting peacocks wandering around, and Remus had the feeling that the small rotunda covered in climbing roses actually got used and wasn't just for show. It felt like a place he'd quite like to sit and have a cuppa in.

These thoughts were interrupted, by the stretch of denim across fantastic arse as Sirius dismounted the bike. Remus audibly groaned when the helmet came off and Sirius shook out his hair, running long fingers through it and making Remus think, for the first time in his life, that he'd quite like to be a hand.

James distracted him from Sirius' arse by hopping out of the van and fussing with _his_ hair as though trying to make it lie flat when, in fact, all he succeeded in doing was making the mess a disaster. He didn't seem to care, though, and moved on to smoothing his shirt and straightening his trousers as Remus got out of his car and walked up to him.

"Alright, mate?" Remus asked, wondering what could have made the man so nervous.

"Huh? Oh - uh - yeah - yeah, I'm good," he forced out.

"Fuck's sake, Prongs," Sirius muttered, shoving him with his shoulder and beckoning Remus toward the house. "Come meet the family, Remus!" he said, excited.

Sirius bounded up the steps and threw the front door open, Remus following and James bringing up the rear, still fiddling with himself.

"Uncle A!" Sirius shouted. "Where are you, old man?"

"Upstairs!" a muffled, female voice called back.

"That's the nurse," Sirius explained to Remus. "She comes 'round every day and gives him his medication, makes sure he's had a bath, helps him with his clothes if he needs it. Different days, different needs. He's got a live-in housekeeper as well, but she's not a nurse, so… " he shrugged.

Remus nodded as Sirius led them through to the sitting room, nearly every square inch of floor, sofa and chair taken up with boxes, bags and loose items. Clearly, this was the dumping ground for Sirius' things until he got them sorted.

The bits of the room Remus could see, he liked. Rich, warm leather furniture, mahogany floor boards, cherry wood tables and, Remus' favourite part, floor to ceiling bookshelves on three walls. He moved instinctively towards the tomes, but Sirius' voice called him back.

"Fancy a beer, Remus?" he asked, standing by a small bar in the far corner and holding a bottle and a pint glass. He'd shed the leather jacket and, in the bright light of the large picture window, Remus could make out faint designs under the white of his thin button-down. How he'd like to play find-the-tattoo...

"Ah, no, thanks. Not yet, anyway. After we get some stuff unloaded, maybe."

"Sure," Sirius said with a smile. "I'll keep one cold for you." He winked and Remus felt his neck go warm.

"Yeah, well, we've already done a load today, so if you don't mind - " James cut in, taking the glass and bottle from Sirius and poured himself a drink.

"Oi! That was for Remus!" Sirius protested, reaching for the beer, but James moved out of reach.

"Keep your knickers on! It's not the last one! We filled the fridge before starting today, remember? You can play bartender later. Right now, I want a pint," James said, taking a long swig.

Sirius pouted, but didn't argue further as an elderly man walked into the room. Tall, straight-backed and grey-eyed, Remus could immediately see the family resemblance. He was willing to bet the man's hair had been as jet black as his nephew's when he was younger.

"Sirius, my boy," the man said, opening his arms for a hug. "I haven't seen you in ages."

"I was here earlier, Uncle A, remember?" Sirius gently corrected, but hugged him nonetheless.

"Oh," Alphard's face fell. "Yes, of course," he said, his expression troubled. "I'm sorry, Sirius."

"It's perfectly fine, Uncle A," Sirius reassured him. "I want you to meet someone," he said, steering the old man over to Remus. "Uncle, I'd like you to meet Remus Lupin. Remus, this is my Uncle, Alphard Black."

"Pleasure to meet you, sir," Remus said politely, holding out his hand. "Sirius speaks very highly of you."

"Sirius is prone to flattery," Alphard smirked, taking Remus' hand. "But I'm grateful for that. I don't know how much he's told you, but my health has not been good lately. Please ignore me if I say anything… not quite right."

"Nonsense, Uncle A," Sirius said. "We wouldn't be here now if we wanted to ignore you."

"You're a good boy, Sirius," Alphard said, cupping Sirius' cheek fondly. "I hate needing the help, but I'm glad I have you here with me."

"I'm not going anywhere, Uncle A. I'm afraid you're stuck with me."

Sirius smiled and Alphard smiled back.

The moment was broken when footsteps were heard coming down the stairs and James frantically stashed his beer behind the bar, running his hands through his hair once again and, once again, doing more damage than good.

Alphard's nurse came into view - comfortable shoes, starched white nurse uniform, and a white nurse's cap sitting atop shockingly red hair.

Remus blinked. "Nurse Evans?!"

* * *

 **Author's Note:** How 'bout that, huh? Hehe :) So, **SableUnstable** updated her fantastically wonderful _Sharp Teeth_ a few days ago and it gave me the inspiration to finish this (which was supposed to be ready in time for her birthday). Better late than never, right? Love you, Sable!

 **Thanks, Worthfull1**


	3. Wanker

**Author's Note:** Here we go again! I'm glad this is being enjoyed :) Thank you all for reading! Welcome **dramione101** :)

Thanks, Worthfull1

P.S. I own nothing, anything recognizable belongs to the lovely Ms. Rowling.

* * *

 _Remus blinked. "Nurse Evans?!"_

 **Chapter 3: Wanker**

"Mr. Lupin! Hello!" Nurse Evans rushed forward to shake Remus' hand. "Gosh, you're looking well!"

"Isn't he just?" Sirius said quietly. Nurse Evans ignored him, but Remus' cheeks pinked.

"Wait - you _know_ Lily Evans?!" James' voice cut in, incredulous.

Nurse Evans rolled her eyes and groaned. "Not _now_ , Potter," she growled.

"Sort of," Remus answered James. "I got sick a couple of years ago and she was my nurse while I recuperated."

"Lucky sod," James breathed in tones of great admiration. "How badly sick?" he asked, a look in his eye Remus didn't entirely trust.

"Oh, it's so good to see you!" Nurse Evans continued, once again ignoring James. "D'you know, I think I still have one of your books. I'm pretty sure I never gave _Pygmalion_ back to you."

Remus' eyes widened. "Do you? I've been looking for that! It would be wonderful if you did have it, Nurse Evans, I thought I'd lost it somewhere."

Nurse Evans smiled kindly. "Please, it's Lily," she said. "And I'll check tonight when I get home. Fairly certain it's on my shelf, though."

"Wonderful!" Remus exclaimed. "Here, I'll give you my number - "

Lily pulled her own phone from her pocket. "What is it?" she asked. Remus told her and his phone buzzed. "There," she said. "Now you've got mine as well. I'm sorry, I really have to go, but I promise I'll look for the Shaw when I get home."

"No problem," Remus smiled at her. "But text is best with me. I have to keep my phone on silent at work and I never remember to put the sound back on when I get off."

"Okay. I'll text you tonight, then." Lily smiled at him again and turned to Alphard. "I'll see you tomorrow, Mr. Black."

"I look forward to it as always, Nurse Evans," Alphard said, inclining his head. Lily grabbed her bag and left the house, the sound of a car engine following a few moments later.

"You utter _bastard_."

Remus turned to see James glaring at him. He looked to Sirius for help, but the raven-haired man was busy trying to smother his laughter.

"Sorry?"

"I've known Lily Evans for _eleven fucking years_ and I still haven't been able to get her number. You walk in and ten seconds later you're on first name terms, you've got her number and the promise of a text!" James nearly shouted, his voice going higher with every syllable. " _How the fuck did you manage that?!"_

"I think a little context might help," Sirius cut in, still chuckling. "Remus, you should know that James has been perving on Lily Evans since secondary school - "

"I have not been _perving_."

"You switched universities when you found out she was going to a different one than you!"

"They had a better business program!"

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Whatever. The point is, Moony, that you may want to keep tabs on that phone in the future because I find it highly probable that Prongs here may steal the damn thing just to get the newest number in your contacts."

Remus smirked. "Noted," he said, earning himself another glare. "By the way, what's with the nicknames?" he asked while clearing one of the chairs off so Alphard could sit down. The old man smiled at him in thanks.

Sirius didn't answer immediately and Remus looked up to see him staring at him, a playful smirk on his lips. "That, my dear _Moony_ , is a rather excellent tale. And I will tell it to you - when you have dinner with me next Thursday night," he finished, smirk growing at Remus' blush.

James snorted. "'S'not that good a story," he told Remus, shaking his head at his best mate's blatant manipulation attempt.

Remus grinned and averted his eyes from all three men in the room. "Why Thursday?" he asked. "I'm off on Mondays as well."

"Oh, fuck's sake," James swore, stomping out of the room and up the stairs, most likely up to Sirius' bedroom.

Sirius' look turned predatory. "Monday it is, then," he practically purred, making the hairs on the back of Remus' neck stand up.

"I hate to interrupt - " Alphard interjected after a moment. " - but I could do with a cup of tea. Sirius, put the kettle on, won't you? And make enough for James. Something tells me he could use a cuppa as well."

* * *

Tea was made - a splash of whiskey thrown in James' for good measure - and afterwards the three young men left Alphard napping in his chair while they unloaded James' van and Remus' car. By the time they were done, Remus' arms and legs ached from the numerous trips up and down the stairs, staggering under the weight of Sirius' records, record player, boxes of clothing and books, and one final trip for Sirius' several leather jackets.

James and Sirius took care of the furniture, stashing it in Alphard's garage as it was not needed in the house and, when they were done with that, they moved everything from the living room upstairs as well. Sirius' bedroom looked like a disaster area, but he said he was fine with that as long as they got the bed put together so he wouldn't have to do it by himself the next day.

"I think I'll have that beer now, mate," Remus said, brushing his damp hair from his forehead.

Sirius nodded. "Me, too." He pushed himself up off the floor and led the procession downstairs to the fridge he'd taken James' beer out of earlier. "Serve up, will you, Prongs?" he said, going over to gently wake his uncle, chuckling at the sight of George curled up on the old man's lap, likely leaving orange hairs all over Alphard's trousers.

"Sirius? Oh, what a lovely surprise!" Alphard said, but caught himself as he saw James and Remus there. "Oh, you've been here all day. Of course, of course." The old man shook himself. "Stupid memory. My mind's failing me, my dear boy! I am sorry."

"None of that, Uncle A," Sirius gently admonished. "We don't apologize for things we can't help, remember? You told me that once, a long time ago."

Alphard focused on Sirius, his face tender. "Yes. Yes, I do remember."

Sirius smiled at him. "See? You're mind's not failing you, it's just a bit tired. You've overworked it."

The old man chuckled. "You abuse something for nearly eighty years and it starts to break down on you," he said, shaking his head. "Shoddy workmanship, I say. Perhaps someday someone will make a better one."

Sirius nodded, but his straight face cracked quickly. "Join us in a beer, Uncle?"

"No, I don't think so, thank you, Sirius. But you could pour me a glass of the red wine on the bottom shelf there," Alphard answered, pointing to the bottom rack of the bar.

Remus grabbed the bottle and James produced a glass. "The Cabernet?" Remus asked. Alphard nodded and Remus poured him a glass.

"Thanks," Sirius said, taking the wine to Alphard. "Thoughts on food, gents?"

* * *

They ended up piling into Remus' car and driving to a lovely little Italian restaurant not far from Alphard's house. The food was excellent and Remus enjoyed himself, even though the older man insisted on paying for everyone.

"We can pay our own way, Alphard," James protested half-heartedly, and Remus got the feeling he was just going through the motions, as if this was a conversation they had after every meal out.

"Never said you couldn't, lad," Alphard replied, handing the check and the money over to their waitress with a charming smile that made Remus think of Sirius. Clearly, charm was a Black family trait. "You aren't going to argue as well, are you, Remus?"

Remus smiled. "I'd like to, but I suspect it may be pointless."

"And you'd be right!" The old man nodded decidedly, and James and Sirius grinned.

* * *

When Remus got home later that night, he made himself a late night cuppa, changed into his pyjamas - the soft ones with the wolves on them - and climbed into bed, book in hand. He cracked the cover and was about to remove the bookmark when his phone lit up.

' _Remus, it's Lily. I do have your book. How shall I return it to you?'_

He smiled and began typing. ' _Do you think we could get a coffee sometime? I'd love to catch up with you and you can give it back to me then?'_

' _Sure! Over the weekend?'_

' _Monday would be better for me. I'm off then. What about you?'_

' _I can do Monday, but it won't be until mid-afternoon.'_

' _That's fine. Where?'_

' _A friend of mine owns a coffee shop. I'll send you directions.'_

Remus had never been to _The Witch's Brew Coffee Shop_ , but he knew that part of town and told Lily he'd meet her there at 3:30 Monday afternoon. Smiling to himself at the prospect of getting his beloved tome back, he returned to the book at hand, only to be interrupted once again by the light of his phone.

It was Sirius.

' _Hi :)'_

Remus rolled his eyes. ' _Hi.'_

' _Oh, good! You're awake.'_

' _Clearly, if I'm responding to you.'_

' _Am I annoying you?'_

Remus snorted. ' _No :) What's up?'_

' _Not much. Just thinking about you.'_

' _Thinking about me? Only good things, I hope.'_

' _Good things.'_ There was a pause, then, ' _Very good things.'_

' _Very good things? What are you on about?'_

' _Nothing! Just laying here, thinking very good things about you.'_

' _Laying? As in, laying in bed? Are you thinking about me in bed?!'_

' _Maybe.'_ Pause. ' _Too soon?'_

Remus flushed. ' _Um, no. I suppose not.'_

' _Sorry.'_

' _No, no! I'm just not used to being flirted with like this, that's all.'_

' _Bit shy?'_

' _Yeah, a bit.'_

' _Are you blushing?'_

He could almost see Sirius' wicked grin. ' _Maybe. I'm not in front of a mirror, so I can't be sure.'_

' _Smart-arse. Bet you are. Bet you're cute when you blush.'_

Remus ran a hand over his face. ' _Fuck, Sirius.'_

' _Shouldn't that be 'fuck Sirius!'. Or, better yet, 'fuck me, Sirius!' lol'_

Laughing out loud and blushing furiously by now, Remus texted back, ' _Bloody hell. You know, I've never had a text/wank session before.'_

' _Shame that. But I am flattered to be your first.'_ The phone lit up again. ' _Wish I could see you.'_

' _I am not wanking at you over Skype!'_ Remus thought about it. ' _But you could call me. If you wanted.'_

Seconds later, there was an incoming call. Remus took a deep breath and answered.

"You're a lot of fun to tease, you know?" Sirius' amused voice said. "I don't really have my hand down my trousers at the moment, it was just too funny to see your reaction."

"Wanker," Remus retorted.

"Am not. I just said, I don't have my hand- "

"Alright, alright!" Remus laughed, hearing an answering chuckle on the other end. "God, you're terrible."

"Cute, though."

"Hmm. I'm not sure 'cute' is the word I'd use to describe you."

"What is, then?"

Remus hesitated, unsure of just how honest he should be. "I'd say… magnetic," he hedged.

"Magnetic," Sirius repeated teasingly. "Try again."

Remus huffed a laugh. "How about… intriguing?" A farting noise sounded on the other end of the line. "Provocative? Provoking?" He could hear Sirius sigh. "How about damn sexy?"

"Oho! Now, we're getting somewhere!" Sirius perked up at that. "Did you know, my _dear_ Moony, that my bike has rear-view mirrors?"

"Of course," Remus said, confused. "It would have to, to be street legal. You don't have to have signals, but you _do_ have to have - "

"Yes, yes," Sirius interrupted. "I've passed that test, Remus. My point is that I caught sight of a very interesting phenomenon this afternoon when I was dismounting my bike outside the house. Care to take a guess what that was?"

"Erm… " Remus thought about it, then he realized where Sirius was going with it. "Ah… "

"Mm-hmm," Sirius hummed. "Some handsome, tall, sandy-haired gentleman was ogling me as I came off my bike. Well, he was ogling a _part_ of me," he clarified. "What part was that, do you think?"

"Can't imagine," Remus breathed as his mouth went dry.

"How would you like to take a ride on that bike, Remus?" Sirius purred. "Feel the metal and the leather, the vibrations of the engine going through your whole body, feel the power… _mmm_ ," he trailed off. "Can you imagine it, Remus?"

"Yeah… "

Remus could imagine it. In fact, he was imagining it right then. He could smell the exhaust from the bike and the leather of Sirius' jacket. He could feel the hard body beneath that jacket and the vibrations… oh, the vibrations…

His eyes shot open as he heard Sirius moan. Looking down, Remus noticed a tent in his sheets that hadn't been there before Sirius called.

"Are… are you… Sirius?"

"Yes," Sirius answered, his voice husky. "Yes, I am. _Mmm_ … I want to take you on my bike, Remus. I want to _take you_ on my bike. Fuck… "

As if on it's own accord, Remus' hand traveled down, a hiss leaving his lips as he began stroking himself, all the while listening to Sirius' increasingly debauched utterances.

"Remus… Remus… _ahh_ …"

That did it. Remus bit his lip, hard, but it did little to muffle his own guttural groan as he finished, making a mess of himself.

" _Sirius_ … " he groaned as he wrung out the last bit of pleasure. For a while, all that was heard was heavy breathing before Sirius broke in.

"Shit," he said.

"What?"

"I don't know what box the tissues are in."

* * *

 **Author's Note:** I am having so much with this! I never thought I'd have this much fun writing a non-magic AU Wolfstar! Ah, fanfic, how I love thee :)

Worthfull1


	4. Monday

**Author's Note:** The inspiration for the coffee shop and it's owner are (loosely) from a Will Ferrell movie called _Stranger Than Fiction_. If you haven't seen it, give it a go. It's absolutely brilliant and I love Maggie Gyllenhaal in it.

Thanks, Worthfull1

P.S. I own nothing, anything recognizable belongs to the lovely Ms. Rowling.

* * *

 _"I don't know what box the tissues are in."_

 **Chapter 4: Monday**

The _Witch's Brew Coffee Shop_ was a small, hole-in-the-wall place that one might miss at first look, were it not for the enormous cast iron cauldron that sat in front of it. Placed in a strip mall that included a small gym, a dry cleaner, a thrift store and the local post office, it really couldn't be in better company. Really, who wouldn't want a coffee, a tea or a hot chocolate after a workout or having to deal with the postman?

Seeing a parking space open up as he was approaching, Remus sent a quick thanks up to the powers that be and pounced, slipping into the space just as he saw a white uniform walking up. Lily waved at him and he smiled back as he put his Panda in park.

"Hello!" he said, walking up to her. ""How's your day been?"

"Ugh," she said, but smiled. "I'm ready for a cuppa. First things first, though." She dug around in her tote bag. "Here," she said, handing him his book.

Remus took it and sighed happily, a dopey smile on his face as he cradled the book to his chest. Lily laughed and nodded towards the coffee shop. Quickly running back to his car, Remus put the book safely on the passenger seat and then rejoined Lily at the door of _Witch's Brew_.

"I should warn you," Lily said quietly as they stepped inside. "Dorcas is a bit… original."

"Dorcas?"

"Dorcas Meadowes. We went to school together, but she dropped out in her second year to open this place. Said she was happier curing people with tea and biscuits than with hypodermic needles." Lily smiled. "I can't say I argue with that."

"Lily, hi!" A petite blonde woman standing behind the pastries counter waved to the redhead.

"Hi, Mary! Can we have that table over by the window?" Lily looked at Remus. "Is that alright?"

He nodded. "Yeah, of course."

"I'll be over in a mo'," Mary said, handing a paper bag to a customer and receiving a credit card in return.

Lily steered Remus over to the table as he looked around. The place was fairly busy; their table was one of only three available. The shop was painted in greens, browns and blues - earth tones - and plants of all sorts were littered around, including a small, leafy green tucked in the corner that looked suspiciously like cannabis.

"Right!" Mary said, appearing at their side and pulling out a small order pad. She grabbed at her ear, then frowned and reached for her hair instead, snatching the pen out of her messy bun and ignoring the tumble of whispy curls that fell down over her shoulders. "What'll it be, loves? Tea for Lils, I know." She smiled.

" _Strong_ tea, please, Mary," Lily said.

"Ooh! We just got in some new Indian tea," Mary gushed. "It's really strong and spicy. Wanna give it a go?"

"Indian? Oh, yes," Lily answered and Remus grinned at her when her eyes drooped a little.

Mary made a note on her pad. "What about you, cutie?" she asked, looking at Remus, who flushed a little.

"Hot chocolate, please," he said. "What?" he asked when Lily stared at him.

"Remus," she said, "it's July."

"Yes. What's your point?"

"Don't mind her," Mary cut in. "Lily's always been a bit of a rule follower." She made a face and Lily pouted. "Hot chocolate is not exclusively for winter. There's nothing wrong with having it in July."

"I never said there was anything _wrong_ with it," Lily defended. "I merely pointed out that we're in the middle of the hottest month of the year. That's all. Just mentioning a fact."

"And you're having _hot_ tea," Mary argued.

Lily huffed. "I shouldn't have brought you here, Remus," she said. "The service is _appalling_."

Mary stuck her tongue out at Lily before turning back to Remus. "You want some marshmallows in your hot chocolate?"

"Yes, please," he grinned. Mary nodded and scurried off. He looked back at Lily. "What?" he asked a second time.

She shook her head slowly. "Hot chocolate in July."

Remus crossed his arms over his chest. "It is never the wrong time for hot chocolate," he stated.

Lily laughed. "You used to make the same face in the hospital," she said. "Every time you ate your jello before your food."

"And you used to argue with me over that as well!" He joined in her laughter. "Do you still work at the hospital?" he asked.

"No," Lily shook her head. "I'm fully certified. I do home care now. You know, visit the elderly who can't get around very well anymore, or are a bit confused. I take care of all their medication, and check up on them - make sure they're keeping themselves tidy and all."

"Do you like it?"

"Oh, yes. The poor dears. Most of my people have some dementia or Alzheimers. Like old Mr. Black," she said.

"Here we are."

The deep, but still feminine voice right behind Remus made him jump, and he turned to see a woman about his same age standing just over his right shoulder. She was tall, with long, lean limbs decorated in colourful tattoos. An apron that may once have been white covered most of the loose, comfortable khakis she wore, but it didn't cover the fact that she was not wearing a bra under the purple floral tank top. She had a scarf tied around her head, keeping her short, brunette bob under control, and her nose was pierced, but not her ears.

"Dor!" Lily exclaimed, standing up to give her friend a hug.

"Hello, Flower," Dorcas greeted, setting the tea and hot chocolate down so she could embrace the redhead. "Where the hell have you been? I haven't seen you in ages!"

"Ugh," Lily replied, pulling away and sitting back down. Dorcas grabbed a chair from the table next to them and pulled it up backwards, straddling it and leaning her arms on the back. "Been super busy. And, somehow, all of my patients are on the other side of town! I'm never over this way anymore. Oh! This is Remus, by the way. Remus, Dorcas," she said.

"Hello," Remus said. Dorcas didn't respond, she just looked him up and down, smirked and turned back to Lily.

"He's cute. I like him," she said.

Lily went scarlet. "Dorcas!"

"What?" Dorcas asked, the terrible innocent face she pulled making Remus laugh.

"Dor, you got a second?" Mary called from the register, her line getting longer than she liked.

"Yeah, love, be right over!" Dorcas called back. "Nice meeting you, Remus," she held out her hand.

Remus took it. "And you."

"And you - " she turned back to Lily, " - bring your pretty little arse in a bit more often, yeah? See that she does, will you?" she said to Remus, leaving before he could answer.

"I think 'original' is a good word for her," Remus said, making Lily chuckle.

"She's always been like that," Lily sighed fondly. "Anyway," she said, blowing on her tea, "how long have you known Black and Potter?"

Remus snorted. "You really don't like them, do you?"

"I'm sure they've got their good points," Lily rolled her eyes, "but there's only so many times you can be serenaded in the middle of the corridor when you're late for class by two toerags with a bouquet of stolen flowers and no sense of pitch before you start disliking the very fact that they exist."

This made Remus laugh so loud other tables looked in their direction. "What?!"

"And that's the least annoying thing they ever did to me," Lily stated. "Potter has claimed to be in love with me for the last eleven years, and Black has done nothing but enable his fantasies. They're menaces, the both of them. And how you got tied up with them, I'll never know. You're so _nice_ , Remus."

He smirked. "You sure?"

Lily narrowed her eyes. "Yes."

"Ah, well, it's Sirius' cat's fault, actually," Remus explained. "We live near each other - or, we did before he moved in with Alphard - and George is one of those klepto-cats. You know, the ones that steal stuff? Anyway, George happens to like socks and underwear, and my dryer went out months ago, so I've been hanging my clothes out on the line and, well… you can guess the rest."

"Sirius Black's cat stole your underwear?" Lily deadpanned.

"Yes. And when his moving day got close, he put up a flyer around town about it, and I saw it and called him."

She grinned. "Did you get your stuff back?"

Remus nodded. "Yes, actually. A fair bit."

"And, what? Black asked you out right then and there?"

"No," he shook his head, taking a sip of his hot chocolate. "Mmm, this is good. Want some?"

"No, thank you."

He took another sip before continuing, giving her the short version of his and Sirius' curry that first night. "It was nice. We haven't actually had a real date yet. Although, I am supposed to see him later today," he said, blushing a bit.

"Well," Lily began, "I can't deny that Black's gorgeous - " Remus snorted " - but for your sake, I hope he's grown up some!"

Remus grinned at her. "You should have seen how nervous James was on Thursday," he teased, his grin widening as her eyes narrowed. "Fixing his shirt and adjusting his trousers, trying to make his hair lie flat… you'd think he was on his way to meet the Queen."

"Oh, shut up, Remus!"

* * *

They talked for a bit longer, catching up on each other's activities, before Lily's phone buzzed, her alarm telling her it was time to go to her next patient. She went to use the ladies' and Remus paid their bill, ordering two of the raspberry scones he'd been eyeing since walking in. Those will go great with morning coffee, he thought.

"You didn't have to pay for me, Remus," Lily protested as they walked out. "I invited you, after all."

Remus waved her off. "Do you need a ride to your next patient?

"No, thanks. My car's just around the corner." She smiled at him. "It was good to see you, Remus. I'd often wondered how you were."

"It was good to see you, too, Lily. And you've got my number now, so you can check up on me anytime!"

"I will!" she called over her shoulder.

When Remus got home, after a quick trip to the grocery, he texted Sirius to ask whether it was okay that they have dinner at his place instead of going out to a restaurant. Remus reasoned that, as a waiter, he spent a good portion of his life in restaurants already, and he liked to cook. Sirius agreed and knocked on Remus' door at precisely eight o'clock.

"Hello," he greeted when Remus opened the door. "I brought wine. It's the same white we had that night with the curry. You said you liked it."

"I did." Remus took the bottle and smiled. "Thanks. Come in." He moved aside to let Sirius into the flat. "Did you have trouble finding the place? Basement flats can be confusing."

"Nah, I just looked for your car," Sirius said, looking around. "Listen, Remus - about the other night on the phone…"

"Yes?"

"Er…" he scratched the back of his neck. "I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable. I guess I had a bit too much at dinner and… well, I have poor impulse control."

"That's alright," Remus said, flushing as he put the wine in the fridge. "You didn't make me uncomfortable. Just surprised me a bit, that's all. I've never had anyone… be quite so forward with me."

"Well, as long as you weren't upset."

"Not at all."

"Good." Sirius smiled. "What are we having?"

"Pan-fried, wild caught Scottish salmon, with yellow rice and black beans."

Sirius blinked and Remus grinned. It really had been too long since he'd cooked for anyone.

"Sounds fantastic!" Sirius said, caught off guard. He hadn't expected Remus to go to a lot of trouble. "I'm glad I brought white wine, then. I was thinking about red."

Remus shook his head as he heated up the pan and began skinning the salmon. "Nope! White was perfect!" he said and, ten minutes later, he uncorked the bottle and poured them each a glass while Sirius set the table. Squeezing a little lemon over each filet, he wiped the sides of the plates and sat down, placing one in front of Sirius and the other in front of himself.

"Do you really like to cook?" Sirius asked, taking a bite of the salmon. "Oh, my God," he said, closing his eyes. "Marry me."

Remus burst out laughing. "Yes, I do like to cook. And that's why," he answered. "I love it when people like my food. Did it come out good?"

"Shh, shh." Sirius held up a hand. "We'll talk later," he said, filling his fork again. "I'm busy."

* * *

"I had a good time tonight," Sirius said, grabbing his leather jacket and heading for the door. "And that salmon was _fantastic_."

Remus grinned. "Thanks. Wait till you try my marinated flank steak. I do that on the grill."

"Ooh, I think I'd like to see you mastering a fire." Sirius winked. He stepped closer. "Can I kiss you goodnight?"

Remus ducked his head shyly, but nodded. He'd woken up hard from dreams about kissing Sirius and now it was going to happen.

Sirius reached up and cupped Remus' jaw, running his fingers over the bit of stubble there, before wrapping them around his long, sinewy neck and gently guiding Remus towards him. Remus' moss-green eyes fluttered closed as Sirius' breath hit him just before he felt the press of soft lips against his own.

Remus pressed harder, slanting his mouth over the raven-haired man's. He gripped Sirius' side as he felt a tongue request entry, and sighed as he granted it. Sirius tasted of the wine they'd drunk and Remus swore it was even more intoxicating from Sirius than it had been out of the bottle.

After a few long moments, Sirius pulled away. Both men were breathing heavily, and Remus' other hand had made it's way into Sirius' hair. It was even silkier than he'd thought it would be and he was loath to let go.

"I'd uh - " Sirius cleared his throat. "I'd better get home," he said. "If I don't leave now…" he let the sentence hang.

Remus nodded. "Yeah," he breathed. "No, I agree." He ran a hand through his hair, not missing how Sirius watched the action. "We'll do this again soon, yeah?"

Sirius' eyes darkened. "Oh, I certainly hope so," he purred, his rich voice full of wicked promise. "I'll text you."

As soon as the door shut behind him, Remus leant against it and slid to the floor, blinking rapidly. _Soon_ , he promised himself. _Soon_.

* * *

 **Authors Note:** Hehehe ;)

Thanks, Worthfull1


	5. Not Horrible, I Suppose

**Author's Note:** Don't know why, but Bella-muse was feeling productive, so have an update! Love you guys!

Thanks, Worthfull1

P.S. I own nothing, anything recognizable belongs to the lovely Ms. Rowling.

* * *

 _As soon as the door shut behind him, Remus leant against it and slid to the floor, blinking rapidly. Soon, he promised himself. Soon._

 **Chapter 5: Not Horrible, I Suppose**

"No, Sev, I will not!" Lily exclaimed, stamping her foot in frustration. She'd lost count of how many times they'd had this exact argument.

"You're being ridiculous about this, Lily!" Severus Snape returned. "Dr. Riddle is offering you a great opportunity!"

"No, he isn't!" she insisted. "He's trying to make it look like a great opportunity so he can try _again_ to get me to test his new drugs on my patients. He's lucky I didn't go to the Health Board about it!"

"So, you're not even going to talk to him?!"

"No!"

Severus was quiet for a long moment. "He's offered me a job," he said quietly. "I'm taking it."

"Oh, Sev, _no_!"

He gave her a pleading look. "It's everything I want. A research position, left to my own devices, I can work on whatever I want as long as I get his research done… It's the best offer I'll ever get, I have to take it."

Lily stared at him. "This is a mistake, Severus," she said quietly. "Tom Riddle is not a good man, and he's not a good doctor. I don't care what anyone says and I don't care how many letters he has after his name." She took a deep breath and tears sparkled in her eyes. "And I also don't want to know about it."

"Lily - "

"No! I mean it, Sev. What he does is unethical and harmful and I honestly have no idea how he's been getting away with it. If you're so damn set on being his new research assistant, then I don't want to know anything about it. Because if I know about it, I _will_ take it to the Board, and that will get you in trouble as well. I don't want that."

Severus looked stricken, black eyes wide and skin even paler than usual. "Lily… please," he entreated.

She shook her head and crossed her arms over her chest. "When do you start?"

Swallowing hard, Severus looked away from her. "I signed the papers last week," he admitted.

Lily took in a sharp breath. "Well," she said in a clipped tone, "I… wish you success. I hope you… find the answers you're looking for."

Grabbing her bag, she spun, tossing her hair over her shoulder and strode purposefully out of the laboratory. She ignored Severus' shout of ' _No! Lily, please wait!'_ and flew down flights of stairs and through the maze of corridors until she finally found the exit. Running out of the teaching hospital, she only slowed down when she reached the grassy common.

Stumbling towards the first bench she saw, Lily fell onto it, dropped her head into her hands and burst into tears. She just didn't understand! Severus was so intelligent, _how_ could he not see what Riddle was doing? _Why_ did he think this was a good position? She'd tried to warn him, tried to reason with him, but he'd stayed convinced that he'd be a fool to turn away anyone willing to consider him.

She just hoped it didn't ruin his career.

"Evans?"

The sudden voice caught her off guard, and she gasped, her head snapping up, and she found herself all of a sudden looking into the worried hazel eyes of James Potter.

"Oh, _God_ ," she moaned, "you're _all_ I need!"

"What's happened? What's wrong? Are you hurt?" James asked, ignoring her displeasure at his presence.

"What are you doing here?" Lily whined. "You haven't been following me, have you?" she demanded sharply.

"No!" James protested, indignant. "I was visiting my Mum."

This made Lily pause. "You - your mother? She's in hospital?"

He nodded. "Been in and out the last couple of years. Started out as ovarian cancer, but it… spread. Not much they can do but manage the pain. Every once in awhile she has to come and spend the night, and I try to visit when that happens. Have lunch with her or do a crossword or something, you know?"

Lily flushed, mortified. Here she was yelling at him for simply asking if she was alright, and his mother was dying just a few feet away. "Oh, I… I'm sorry," she apologized sheepishly. "I didn't know."

James shrugged and gave her a crooked grin. "No reason you should have. It's alright. You've obviously had a shit day as well. D'you - " he stopped and winced.

"What?"

"Well, I was going to ask if you wanted to get a cup of tea?" he asked, shifting nervously. "I'm not asking you out! Promise! Just… you look like you could use a cuppa, and I know I could, and… well, I'm not keen on being alone right now, and Sirius is at work, and… sorry." He blew out a breath. "I won't talk to you if you don't want me to. We can just have a tea and go our separate ways after."

When asked later, Lily couldn't pinpoint exactly what it was that made her do it. It could have been the way he was shuffling from foot to foot like a schoolboy caught in naughtiness, or the way he'd managed to flatten all of his hair except for one insanely stubborn lock right at the back of his head that insisted on sticking straight up as though pointing due north. Or, it could have simply been that _she_ didn't really want to be alone at the moment, either, and he was there.

Whatever the reason, she took a deep breath and said, "Alright."

James froze. "R-really?"

Lily sniffed and jerked her head in what could have been considered a nod. "Yeah," she said. "No talking?"

His mouth dropped open, then snapped shut and he made a show of pressing his lips together and shaking his head. Lily sniffed again and gathered up her bag, but when she went to stand, she came face-to-face with a bit of white fabric. She blinked, then realized she was looking at a handkerchief. _James Potter_ was offering her a _handkerchief_. A _clean_ one. Lily Evans was about to allow herself to be comforted by James sodding Potter.

The unreality overwhelmed her and choked out a laugh as she reached for the hankie. "Thank you," she mumbled, and he gave a slight bow. "Alright," she said, standing, "let's go. I'll choose the place?"

* * *

Several floors up, a solitary figure stood at the window of his laboratory, watching the scene below. He hadn't realized until that moment just how much signing the Riddle contract would change things. In one fell swoop, he'd signed away at least three years of his life, alienated his only true friend and possibly pushed her into the arms of his second-most hated rival.

Severus braced a hand on the glass as his world came crashing down around him. He didn't hear his new boss' voice calling his name, and he didn't notice, until he felt a hand on his shoulder, that he was no longer alone in the room. Startled, he swiveled around.

"Everything alright, Severus?" Dr. Riddle asked, his voice cold like usual. "Ah, there goes Nurse Evans," he noted, looking past his assistant. "Who is she with?"

Severus' lip curled. "James Potter," he spat.

One eyebrow crept up and the corner of Riddle's mouth curled. "No friend of yours, then?"

"No."

Riddle hummed. "I assume she hasn't reconsidered my offer?" he asked.

Severus shook his head. "No, sir."

"Did you explain to her how… rewarding being my assistant could be?"

"Yes, sir, but…"

"But… ?"

"She wasn't interested in making a change right now, sir."

Riddle hummed again and Severus could tell the other man knew he was lying to him. But he just couldn't tell Riddle that Lily wouldn't work for him because she disliked him. No, dislike wasn't strong enough. She _hated_ him.

"Well," Riddle began, "that's a shame. However, she's not the only talented nurse in the country, is she?"

"No, sir."

"I'm confident we'll find someone who's a better fit for our little team. Aren't you?"

"Yes, sir."

"Good." Riddle nodded approvingly. "Now, how about you show me what you've been working on today?"

* * *

"What the _hell_ is wrong with you?" Sirius asked after finally getting the most annoying customer in the world out of the shop. It hadn't helped that James had blown in halfway through the sale and, upon seeing Sirius occupied, had proceeded to pace back and forth behind the counter, clearly agitated.

"It's… it's Lily," James said breathlessly, running a hand through his hair.

"Oh, fuck's sake."

"No, Pads! It's real this time! We… we went _out_!"

"What?" Sirius turned to look at him. "What d'you mean, 'out'?

"I mean 'out'! I bought her a cup of tea. We had tea. Together. Out."

"In public?"

"Yes!"

Sirius stared. "She _let_ you buy her tea? In _public_? Are you sure? I mean, you didn't kidnap her, did you? James, tell me you didn't kidnap her!"

"I didn't bloody kidnap her! Arsehole!"

"Alright! Alright!" Sirius held his hands up and looked around the record store to make sure there were no customers to witness his mate's meltdown. "Look, why don't you start from the beginning? I thought you were going to visit Mum today?"

James nodded tersely. "I did. She says hi, by the way," he told Sirius. "So, I took Mum a curry and we sat and talked for awhile, and then I left, but as I was leaving I saw this redhead run across the common. It looked like Lily, so I went over, and she was crying!"

"Saw you coming, did she?" Sirius joked. James glared at him.

"Fuck you, Sirius!"

He snorted. "Sorry. Anyway, she was crying?"

"Yeah. Seems she's had it out with old Snivellus finally - "

"'Bout bloody time."

" - and she yelled at me at first. Thought I'd been following her."

"Were you?"

"No!"

"'Kay."

"Anyway, I asked if I could buy her a cup of tea because she was upset and she said yes!" James finished, as though his explanation made all the sense in the world.

Unfortunately, Sirius was still confused. "So… she said yes, just like that?"

"Yeah! Well, no," James amended. "I told her about Mum, and I think she felt a little bad for yelling at me. And she made me promise not to talk to her - "

Sirius burst out laughing. " _What?!_ What sort of date is that?"

"I don't know, but it worked!"

"So you didn't talk? At all?" Sirius asked, still laughing.

James shook his head. "I didn't, no. She did, though. Fair bit, actually. Guess she needed to get it out. Something about some doctor she doesn't like named Riddle and how Snivelly is working for him even though she told him not to… I don't know. And I don't care! I'm still counting it as a first date!"

By now, Sirius was holding onto the counter to avoid falling over, he was laughing so hard. "Ah, mate," he said, wiping at his eyes.

"Believe me, I know," James said. He stared off into space for a minute. "It ended well, though."

"Did it?"

"Yeah." He grinned. "She said, and I quote ' _You're not horrible, I suppose'_."

This time Sirius did fall on the floor, and James shrugged helplessly as a customer cautiously approached the counter with a stack of records to purchase.

* * *

Remus was leaning against the wall of the restaurant facing the alley, staring up at the night sky as he took a fifteen minute break. Cigarette smoke wafted towards him and he coughed slightly and turned his body away from it. His phone buzzed.

' _Moony! Call me when your shift's over! You won't believe what's happened! (Nothing bad, don't worry)'_

Later, when he'd had a shower to get the smell of the restaurant off him, he dialed Sirius' number. The other man answered on the first ring and Remus was barely able to get a word in edgewise as Sirius recalled James' tale.

Once Sirius had finally hung up, Remus texted Lily, chuckling to himself and imagining how red she would be once she realized everyone now knew she had given in to James Potter.

' ' _Not horrible, I suppose'? Are you sure about that, Lily? LOL'_

A reply came almost immediately. ' _Oh, God, has he told everyone?!'_

' _No. He told Sirius and Sirius told me.'_

" _Bloody gossips, the lot of you.'_

Remus laughed. ' _Does this mean you like him, then?'_

' _No! It just means that… that he's not horrible, I suppose. Nothing more! Good night!'_

' _Okay. Whatever you say. Good night.'_

With the vision of her scowl to amuse him, Remus turned off his light.


End file.
